Hold your PANTS, Ready for Touchdown!
by MiaRocks
Summary: Stalag 14 and Foxwoods school trip combined. What will happen when the girls and boys get together for a trip? Please R&R! Thanks! On hold, will be finished!
1. Blimey O’Reilly! Why did I say that?

_**A/N: Hey everyone! This is my first fanfic (second really but I deleted my other one, it was crap) Anyway, I am going to write the school trip. Thanks to the people who reviewed when I needed help.**_

_**I do not own any of the characters, just the plot.**_

_**Chapter 1: Blimey O'Reilly! Why did I say that?**_

**Still Saturday.**

**Home**

My dad was shocked when he saw me come home so early. So shocked he waddled into the hallway and tripped over the phone cord and landed belly first on the floor. I would have had a field day if that happened at any other time on any other day, but I am too full of depressosity to laugh. Although watching him attempting to get up did bring out some inner laugh. And attempting being the key word here.

**In my Bed of Pain**

Typical. This is just typical of an upbringing like mine. I get offered a cake from the cake shop of Lurrrve (a rather yummy cake at that) and I decide i'm not going back and asking for a refund. Instead I find my cake has grown legs and walked off having the slight humpty dumpty with me. Possibly leaving me with no cakes at all. Merde.

**1 Minute later**

Why can't I have a normal life. Normal which doesn't include a criminally insane four year old toddler who insists on sleeping in my bed every night. She was nice enough not to bring her whole 'gang' with her. Just Scuba Diving Barbie. Which she has shoved right up my nose. Every time I try to move SDB out the way, Libby wriggles around and somehow she finds her way back up there again. As if my life isn't bad enough already, It will be the size of Jupiter by tomorrow. Perfect.

**1 Minute later**

Is Jupiter that big? Anyway the nub and gist is that my nose with be big. Not that it's not big already. It will just swell up double its size, to top off the perfectly perfect weekend i'm having so far. Why couldn't Big G bless me with a normal sized conk? That way, I would have one less thing to worry about.

**10 Minutes later **

Mutti came mumming in wearing only what a prostitute would be caught, only much much worse.

She said "Gee, Are you awake?"

No of course i'm not awake. She has just turned the blinding light on and crashed open the door, while downstairs; Vati is breaking every possible thing in sight. Can't she see what I am putting up with? So I said in all maturosity of all times "No."

She wouldn't let it go though. Can't she see I am grieving? Ha. That was stupid of me. Thinking my own mother would notice anything to do with me. I told her that to.

I said "Sorry Mutti, I must be mistaking you for someone who cares what goes on in my life the one time I don't actually want them to. Now if you could shut the door on your way out, thank you."

She just tutted and walked out.

**10 Minutes later**

Why is Libby's botty so cold. You could freeze ice poles on this thing.

**1 Minute later**

I will never be able to sleep in these conditions. I don't think Masimo would want a girlfriend with bags down to her knees. Although, I don't actually now if I am still his girlfriend. I didn't actually do anything really wrong. Did I?

**2 Seconds later**

Don't answer that.

**1 Minute later**

Ok, so I have had a few accidental snogs with Mr. Laugh but that doesn't make any difference. He doesn't know about them.

Or does he?

**10 Seconds later**

Maybe he found out through Radio Jas. She didn't get that nickname for nothing you know. But I don't think she saw it either. So I think I am in the clear. Speaking of Radios, the Ace gang didn't even come out to see how I was in such tragic times. They were too busy snogging their boyfriends. But Masimo did over react abit. I only danced with Dave. He really is a marvy dancer. No! Get out of my head Dave. Enticing me with your excellent dancing skills. You got me into this mess.

**1 Minute later**

Maybe it would be better if I didn't go out with Masimo.

**2 Minutes later**

What am I saying? He is a Lurrrve God. Gorgey porgey and a half. Just thinking about his smile is making me go Jelloid.

Phwoarrr.

**Sunday 18****th**** September **

**7.00am **

Yes. Just what I thorght. Conk the size of the Atlantic Ocean. Brillopads.

**10 minutes later**

I can't remember the last time I woke up this early on a weekend. I think Vati was thinking the same thing to.

He said "Gee? Why are you awake? Has your bed been robbed or something?" and he started laughing at himself. When I say laugh, I mean he laughed and then started choking. Good times.

**2 seconds later**

Mutti is staring at me like a staring thing on staring tablets. My mother was using the staring campaign against me. Well two can play at that game.

**1 second later **

Staring at Mutti.

**2 seconds later**

Still staring.

**10 seconds later**

Still staring. How long can this go on for?

**1 minute later**

"So, are you going to tell me what happened last night?"

Hell would freeze over before I tell Mutti about my boy type life. She would only say 'It's your own fault for entrancing too many boys at once.' I mean, I can get that sort of lecture from Jas. Which, as a matter of fact, I would rather get from Jas.

So as an act of maturosity, I ignorez-voused her and went to my room.

**Looking out my bedroom window**

I can see Mr. Next door gardening in his famous gardening shorts which shows his excessively large bottom. More than you need to see in the morning I will tell you that, especially when he bends over and you get the blinding sight in the eye. And of course the Prat Poodles pratting around, yapping or whatever it is poodles do.

**1 minute later**

I wonder where Angus and Gordy are. They are usually riding the poodles like cowboys, rounding them up in their dog housey type things whenever they get the chance.

**1 minute later**

Oh there they are. Hiding in the bushes. What are they waiting for?

**20 seconds later**

I get it! They are waiting for Mr. Next door to turn around which should be any minute now unless his botty forces him to topple over, breaking something of the bum-oley kind. So either way, Angus and Gordy will strike.

**10 seconds later**

And SCORE! They jumped straight from the bushes right onto the yapping things and rode them straight into the wall. Result. Mr. Next door hasn't even noticed. Haha! It has to be said they are super cats. They are really getting to terms with their Scottish wildcat sides lately.

**20 Minutes later**

Phone rang.

"Don't worry about answering the phone Mutti. You rest from all your very useful housework, cooking and all the other useful things you do, being a mother in all!" I shouted.

"Thanks Gee!"

Good grief. Do I have to do everything in this house?

It was Jas.

She said "Gee? Where did you go last night? Me and Rosie went looking for you, only to find out you walked off home without even saying goodbye."

Silence.

"GEORGIA!"

"Ok Jazzy Spazzy, No need to shout. Why did you ask me where I went when you know where I went?"

"Georgia stop being stupid. Y'know, this might be the reason why Masimo dumped you. You are too childish."

I can always count on Jas to cheer me up. Not.

"Jas. He didn't dump me. He has the hump with me which you would have known if you would have put Tom down long enough to come to see how I was. And besides you only would have told me I was being a tart and should have more control over my red bottomosity."

"Yes Georgia you were being a tart and yes you should have more contr-"

I put the phone down. She will call back and apologize. She can't stand not talking to someone as great as me.

**10 Minutes later**

She didn't call back. Ho hum pigs bum. Back in my room, bored as a bored thing in bored land.

**10 seconds later**

Oh Masimo, why do you have the humpty dumpty with me? We could be out having a great time, snogging and errr, snogging?

**10 seconds later**

I suppose I will have to find something entertaining to do until he realises it was a mistake to break up with me, comes over here and ask me to move to Italy with him escaping the loony bin I call home.

**2 seconds later**

Would I want to move to Italy with him? As much as my parents annoy me into the valley of suicide, I don't think I would want to. Although they are quite literally gorgey porgey over there. Yummy. (The Italians, just to clear things up)

**12.30 pm**

Doorbell rung. I heard Mutti loon off to answer it.

"_Ciao_ Mrs. Nicolson. Is Georgia home?"

Oh my giddy god. Masimo! What am I going to do? I have no make-up on and still in these bloody teletubby jimjams. OhmygodOhmygod.

"Georgia, love, it's for you." Shouted Mutti.

"Just, erm, a err, second." It came out all wrong as at that moment I was trying to put my jeans on, then I realised I was trying to get both legs into the same hole.

**1 minute later**

Wearing dark blue jeans and a nice grey top with sparkles. Very nice if I do say so myself.

Now make-up, make-up.

**10 minutes later**

Has to be record time on the make-up front. I went for the natural look so, Foundation, Mascara, Eyeliner, Lippy and Lip gloss. Marvy.

**1 minute later**

Practically fell down the stairs and I was so nervous. I took a deep breath in, trying to think of something normal to say, when I saw Mutti and Masimo sitting on the couch, with Mum pretty much on his lap. That is the kind of world we live in.

"_Ciao_, Miss Georgia. How are you?" He smiled that gorgey smile and he looked at me right in the eyes. Jelloid city.

"Errr...Great thanks. I actually wanted to talk to you." I looked at Mum. She looked at me. Masimo looked at Mum. She looked at him. It was like a looking fest. I felt like shouting 'Move out women, we don't want you in here. Go far far away! And don't come back either!' Of course I didn't because then I would be in deep poo. I wouldn't have to either because after about 4 centuries she caught on.

"Right, errr, yes. I will be, y'know, yes." Again please?

I looked at Masimo and I did a sort of half smile and sat down. He sat down too. I was tempted to stand up and dance like a chicken to see if he would copy but I though that would be a little too weird.

**1 minute later**

Complete silence. This is making me really nervy. I hate long silences. I always end up saying something complete and utter rubbish but not this time. Nope.

**2 seconds later**

"Seen the footie scores recently?"

Blimey O'Reilly! Why did I say that? Why did I allow myself to say that? I had forbid myself from saying that ever again because it didn't go well last time. I think I topped it off nicely running for the imaginary train.

Luckily he laughed. It wasn't a 'Gosh, I can't believe I am going out with this girl!' laugh it was more of a 'I'm really sorry for messing this all up and I want to snog you to within an inch of your life' laugh. But a laugh nevertheless.

He looked down to the ground. Say something already! I'm going to have a nervy.b. Luckily he spoke.

"Georgia, I am sorry about the fight, with Dave. It was a mistake. Do you forgive me?"

I looked to the floor. I know I wanted to say yes you big Italian hunk, but I thought about last night and how much he over reacted. What if it happened again and he had the humpty dumpty again I couldn't just forgive him whenever he wanted me to. No I don't forgive him. I can't believe I am doing this! I couldn't get my mouth to work, so I just shook my head. He stood up and walked over to me and took my face in his hands (Not literally you fools, he just held my face.)

He said "If that is what you want. I am sorry." And walked out.

I just dumped Masimo. A Lurrrve God. Possibly the last boy who would actually want anything to do with me. What is wrong with me?

_**A/N: Rightoo. Masimo is out of the picture. Sorry there has been no Dave but I promise him soon. Is the Gee Nick's language ok or does there need to be more? Also, can some people give me some ideas on where they can go for their school trip? I was thinking about France but they have been there before, but would it be more interesting with the boys this time? Please review and please tell me what I can do to make it better. Thanks chums!**_


	2. Surrounded by Handbags and Homosexuals

_**Hey everyone! Thanks for all the lovely reviews. They make me happy lol. I read some peoples author notes and they say that reviews make them happy and I was thinking 'How can reviews make you that happy?' and now I know lol! Anyway, on with the chapter... **_

_**Chapter 2 – Surrounded by Handbags and Homosexuals.**_

**Monday 20****th**** September**

**8.30 am**

I am sooo late. Again.

I won't have any time to do my natural make-up now.

**5 minute later**

Thank Big G my nose has gone down since the Scuba Diving Barbie incident. Luckily my bed was a Libby free zone last night. Although I did find something that felt like one of Libby's dirty nappies but no one wants to know about that.

**8.40 am**

Five minutes to get to school. Rush rush, pant pant. Up the hill.

Jas is still sitting on her wall looking huffy as ever. Fringe flicking and all that Jazz. She saw me and didn't even bother to talk to me. She just looked at me and then she was rushing around as if she has a twig up her bum-oley. I had to run to keep up with her and I don't think boys like the red faced loon in a girl.

**8.50 am **

Hawkeye is at the gates. Merde.

"Nicolson. Must you be late everyday?"

Excuse me? Hasn't she seen Jas walking right beside me? At exactly the same time? Being late with me? I suppose she is such a teachers botty licker she can do no wrong. I felt like saying "I fancied a half day, but if it wasn't for my bed catching on fire, I wouldn't be here right now."But I had to be careful what I said because I didn't want to be in detention city. I just smiled and let my nose flare all over my face, but she lost attention and went to chase some first formers. So I took that as an opportunity to escape.

**Assembly**

Slim seems to be more jelloid then usual. This could mean two things a) Something good is happening to us or b) she has eaten one to many cakes. My money is on the second one but you never know.

"And on that note, girls in form 11A I have a little announcement. Since the last few trips we have had have been a great success, we have decided we are going to run another school trip..."

Success? What in the name of the queens over-sized pantaloons is she talking about? As if France wasn't bad enough, they dragged us to the camping fiasco, where our innocent minds had to witness Miss Wilson in the nuddy pants. Not good for impressionable minds like mine.

"...to Italy!"

I am sooo not going on this trip. Nothing can change my mind.

"We have also spoken to the headmaster of Foxwoods, and he has agreed to allow the boys to come along on the trip with us. They will be coming to the school on Wednesday for a meeting."

Screw what I just said. I am sooo going on this trip.

**Break**

All of the Ace Gang was rambling on about the trip the whole of break. I haven't even been able to tell them about the me and Masimo fandango. Then, just on cue, Wet Lindsay came along the hallway, no forehead and all. Me and Rosie took cover under the desks while the rest of them hid in the store cupboard. Lord only knows how four of them fit in there, and Jas' giant pantaloonies.

She said "She dumped him. Now there is nothing stopping me."

"So are you going back out with him then?" She's with Astonishingly Dim Monica. And they are talking about me!

"Well no not yet. But it won't be long now." And she stick insected off. I hate her.

As soon as she left, Jas, Ellen, Mabs and Jools all burst out of the cupboard and landed on a big pile on the floor.

Jools said "Jas! Gerrof me you lezzie! I know i'm gorgey but I don't swing that way."

Jas immediately got in a huff. Ho hum pigs bum. Oh how we laughed. Soon after, I got the expected, 'Why did you dump him? When? Where?' and blah blah. I told them about me telling him (well not exactly telling him, but it's like someone one said, a simple head action speaks for itself. Is that right? Who knows, who cares?) that I don't forgive him. They soon lost interest as Ellen started dithering... Good grief.

**German**

Learning about the Kocks, yet again. And also another adventure out in the forest or something equally as boring. Jas is still ignoring us, she is such a botty kisser. She has sat up front and every time Herr Keymer asks a question her hand shoots straight up. I may have to set her straight with a severe duffing up. Or her arse making contact with a bush. So the rest of us are using this time wisely and talking about something _tres tres_ important.

"I wonder if the boys will be allowed to share rooms with us." Jools said. Yeah right. Adults think we are so sex obsessed. They think we are at it everyday (Oo-er)

**Home time**

End of the torcher session.

We walked out of the school linked up doing that thing when we all take one big step to the left all at the same time and then one big step to the right at the same time if you know what I mean and I think you do.

**5 minutes later**

Waiting for the boys. I was a little nervy about seeing Dave after the whole fisticuffs at dawn fiasco. But Jas insisted we wait. And so did Ellen, Mabs and Jools. Me and Rosie were out numbered.

**2 minutes later**

Why do they take so long to come out of school? I suppose they have to go through the usual routine of pushing each other in bushes and tripping each other up. For some unknown reason, they get enjoyment out of it. I have said it once and no doubt I will probably say it again, boys truly are a mystery. At that moment, Sven jumped out of a tree and landed in a heap on the floor, got up and flung Rosie over his shoulder.

"Ladies. Groooove on!" He shouted before skipping along with Rosie. Seriously, skipping. Proves my point perfectly.

**5 minutes later**

Finally the boys came down the road. Jas, Ellen, Jools and Mabs all walked over to them and snogged their boyfriends. They have no pridenosity.

**Walking home**

Me and Dave are walking ahead. The others are lagging behind doing three guesses what. Dave was talking about the trip to Italy. He wasn't seeming very laughy like a laugh is supposed to.

"They are forcing us against our wills to go. I can't spend a whole week being surrounded by Handbags enticing me into the way of the Homosexual."

I gave him my most confused look. He's acting like he doesn't even know we are going with them. Ho hum pigs bum. I'll let him figure out for himself. He will find out soon enough though because Radio Jas will soon be on the case. She has probably told half of Billy Shakespeare land by now.

"So speaking of homosexuals, how are you and your handbag horse?" He said looking at me. He was waiting for me to give him my 'Don't push it' look, which I think is full of maturosity, but I had no reason to give it to him anymore. Me and Masimo aredone. _finito_

"We broke up."

Dave stopped and did a really bad mime of him fainting. I walked over to him and look down at him.

"Wow Gee. Watch your nunga's don't cause you to topple over. I don't want two black eyes. That could ruin my biscuitnosity." He grinned at me. I left him there to get himself up. He wants to talk about my nunga's that way, he will have to suffer. Or any way for that matter, and that is _le_ fact.

**2 minutes later**

The snoggers have caught up with Dave and all the boys bundled him.

Rollo ran towards him and shouted "Pile!" and as if they were robots they all followed and piled. I felt like saying to Dave (Once he was up of course you fools, that would look a little odd, me talking to a pile of boys. Although I have done some pretty stupid things. There was the Olive, then the – shutupshutupshutup.) Anyway, where was I before I so rudely interrupted myself? Oh yes. I felt like saying to Dave 'I bet you wish it was my nunga's now' But I didn't.

**1 minute later**

Oh now he's talking to Jas. Wait for it. 3.....2.....1.....

"KITTYKAT!!" He's charging towards me. Jas has told him. I knew it wouldn't be long.

I said "Yes?" as if I didn't know what he was talking about. Or rather shouting about.

"Why didn't you tell me? You are very a naughty Kittykat. You had me thinking I was going to leave you for a week to go and hang with the _Italians."_

He said Italians really oddly, like he was allergic to them. I guess he has changed his mind about going then? I asked him that too.

"I guess you have changed your mind about going then?"

He grinned at me.

**Home**

It's official. Dave has lost the plot. He is rambling on and on about the trip. It's amazing. Before he found out we were going, he would have broke both his legs to not go on that trip. He's almost getting as bad as Jas rambling wise.

**6.15pm**

Phone rang.

I shouted "Phone!"

I heard Vati shout back "You get it Gee. It will be one of your friends to talk about nail polish or whatever it is you talk about, resulting in a massive phone bill that I have to work very hard to pay."

If he worked as hard as he says he does, he wouldn't be out everyday playing footie with the 'lads'. Which by the by is supposed to keep him fit.

It doesn't.

"Nicolson residents. I am afraid I will have to limit the phone call, as I would hate to waste 10p of my dad's, claimed to be, well earned money."

"Georgia, must you always answer in such a childish way?"

Oh great. Fringy. I will have to let her down gently but I really don't want to know about her latest find of rabbit droppings.

"Jas, could we hurry this up? As I said, well earned money."

"The Ace Gang are going for a moochy round town tomorrow to pick up some things we might need for the trip. Make up and travel knickers and such. Are you coming?"

Moochy? Who says moochy? And since when did travel knickers exist?

"Jas. Saying 'moochy' is incredibly sad and naff."

"Georgia! Stop being so stupid. Are you going to come or not?"

"Only if you tell me you love me. Being called stupid really offended me."

Haha. She has to tell me she loves me. She will say it, I will make her.

"Georgia yo-"

"Say it or I will not accompany you."

"Gee?"

Silence.

"Georgia!"

Silence.

"Fine. I love you."

"Thanks Lezzie. See you tomorrow." And I put the phone down. Haha.

**8.30pm**

I am surrounded by _les_ idiots. My Vati thorght it would be a good idea to attempt to bathe Libby again since she is getting a bit on the pingy pongoes side of things. I made a strict vow to myself never to enter the hallway while my Vati was in the bathroom again. Not after last time I witnessed him standing in the nuddy pants. That was just horrific. Anyway, my Vati, knowing what Gordy is like, left the door shut, but not entirely closed. So Gordy, hurled himself at the door, hit Vati in the back and sent him flying head first into the bath.

**1 minute later**

He walked past my room. I opened the door and split my tights laughing at him. He is soaked head to toe in water.

"Don't say a word," and stormed off into his bedroom. I was laughing like a loon on loon tablets.

**10.30pm**

Libby is in my bed yet again. I think she is making up for last night but forcing Angus and Gordy into my bed as well. They jump onto the bed and then burrow themselves down to the end. Every time I move my feet, they savage them. They ache like billio.

**2 minutes later**

I can't believe we are going on a trip with the boys. I can't believe they are letting us go on a trip with the boys. It's going to be sooo much fun with Dave and Tom and Rollo...

**2 seconds later**

And Mark Big Gob and Phil the Nerd and Spotty Norman...Erlack.

**5 minutes later**

I wonder what Lindsay meant by "But it won't be long now." What's she going to do? Entrance him with her stick insect charms? He can't go crawling back to her.

**1 minute later**

He is clearly only going back to her because he has lost his one and only Sex Kitty. Ha.

**2 minutes later**

I cannot think about Masimo. I will not think about Masimo. I will think about something more important. I will think about the trip to Italy instead.

**2 seconds later**

_Merde._

_**Hellooo again! Hoped you like the chappie. I Have quite a lot of revising for a maths exam to do. I am quite determined to do well in it as well because maths is the only thing I am some what good at so I will try and write some of this in my spare time and then will post it when I have got it all guys. Please review.**_


	3. What did the tree wear to the pool?

_**Hey guys. Sorry this has taken me so long to write. As you know I was revising and then the weekend after my exam I was in Birmingham with my fam, chased by peacocks and all that jazz (I'm being serious, me and my cousin were chased by peacocks. I recorded it on my phone. But I suppose it didn't really help that she poked it?) Anyway I have been doing school stuff since then so it has taken me longer than expected. But thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far and I hope you like this chappie. Love you all x**_

_**Chapter 3 – What did the tree wear to the pool party?**_

**Wednesday 22****nd**** September**

**7.30 am**

Blimey O'Reilly. Up at the right time. At least I will have time to do my make-up now. The boys are coming to our school today so must be on high Sex Kitty alert. I still can't get over what made Slim agree to this. She will probably be happy to get rid of us for a week. Still quite mad. And all the boys will be going which will make things much worse.

**2 minute later**

Well not all the boys. Sven won't be going. But, maybe that is a good thing. Me and Rosie can be goose gogs together while all the rest of them snog.

**1 minute later**

Dave won't be snogging anyone. Emma won't be going on the trip which is another good thing as I don't want to be an audience to them snogging like snogging whatsits. I always feel funny seeing them together. I don't know why but I can tell you something, I will be the last to know.

**7.50 am**

Went downstairs for my brekkie. The most important meal of the day? Healthy and all that jazz. Yeah right. I eat hardly anything in this house and I have turned out perfectly fine.

Don't say anything.

**Downstairs**

Mum was attempting to feed Libby. By that I mean getting the food everywhere except her mouth.

She wanted me to kiss her goodbye for her eventful day at nursery. Anyone who looks after her all day can't be right in the head but there is no telling some people.

"Gingey. Kiss kiss."

She was pouting at me. I didn't really want a face full of porridge so I kissed the top of her head. Obviously her bath (or Vati's bath, whatever way you choose to look at it) didn't pay off.

**8.20 am**

I think Jas was a bit shocked to see me walking up the hill at the right time. She looked at her watch then looked at me.

"Wow Gee. On time." And stalked off. She must still be upset about the lezzie thing. Ha. Well I suppose if she is going to give me cold shoulderosity, two can play at that game.

**Stalag 14**

Jas still hasn't talked to me. Suit herself. She will be the one begging for me to forgive her sooner or later. Most probably later. She will come running with her secret stash of Midget gems which I suspect out of her giant Pantaloonies. Soon to be travel Pantaloonies. Hmph.

Hawkeye's eyes nearly popped out of their sockets when she saw me go into school.

"Nicolson. What are you up to?" she said raising her eyebrows.

Amazing. When i'm late, she suspects I am up to no good and when for once I make an effort to actually get to school on time, she still thinks i'm up to something. I could have easily went back to sleep this morning, but I care about my education enough to haul myself out of bed and be forced to listen to the vole herself ramble on about last nights...ramble. Ho hum pigs bum.

**Assembly**

Standing next to Jas. And she hasn't bothered to move. I can see she is getting huffy with me because her cheeks have turned white and her nose has turned red. Take that Jazzy Spazzy.

**1 minute later**

God almighty. I think I may fall asleep soon. Slim is droning on and on about her childhood and how nothing was invented blah blah blah. Ok, so she didn't literally go blah blah blah you fools but that was what I was hearing. I pretended to fall asleep of Jas's shoulder and she pushed me off and shuffled away.

I said to Rosie "How long is this going to last. They force us to come to this hell hole and then as if that's not bad enough, they make us sit through a lecture about Slim's childhood when no one was actually clever enough to invent the television. Or exercise equipment."

"In timeth of deepeth depression, thou shalt do-eth the dance." And we had a random burst of Viking Disco Inferno until we got the evil eye from Hawkeye. So I gave her one of my full flaring smiles and she looked a little frightened. I think she may have thorght a mother ship was going to land on my face, considering the size of my conk. But defiantly relieved my inner boredom.

"And please don't forget girls, the meeting is tonight and I suspect you will all be on your best behaviour for the lads."

Hawkeye stared straight at me and Rosie. All we do if relieve ourselves of deep depths of depressosity and they just suspect us of anything and everything.

**R.E**

Miss Wilson is wearing an alarming shade of blue. And I mean all blue. Blue socks, blue shoes, blue bandana. Seriously, who wears bandanas anymore? Anyway, back to the matters in hand, the boys are coming in around five hours. That means I can do my make up in German and fix my hair at lunch with the aid of the hand dryer. See always thinking.

**Lunch**

All the Ace Gang is in the tarts wardrobe. You would think six mad teenagers sitting on the same loo seat would be very comfy, let me tell you, it isn't. Although it would be alot less painful if Ellen wasn't being dithery. We are all forced to listen because every time someone would start talking Ellen would carry on. I won't tell you exactly what she said because I am sure you haven't got 40 years of your life to spend listening to it but it went something like 'Err, do you think that, errr, maybe we will, like y'know?'

No as it happens I don't know.

She had to stop though (Thank Big G) because someone walked in and we didn't really want to go out in these Arctic Conditions. We were listening to their conversation.

"Well I have found out he is defiantly going. So, I will have to make the sacrifice."

"You can't be serious. You can't go."

I should have guessed. Wet Weed and ADM. But what are they talking about?

Weedy said "I have to. It's the only way to make sure."

And they walked on out. I wonder what that was about. All the Ace Gang were all agog as two goggy things. Five goggy things really but the point is they were all agog. I just gave them my most confused look hoping they would realise I don't know what they Weedy and ADM were talking about. It must have worked because Ellen carried on dithering and everyone amazing left it at that and tried to make some sense of Ellen.

They couldn't.

**German**

All the girls are going make up crazy. Jools is even moisturising her legs and Herr Keymer hasn't even noticed yet. At least that means I will probably get away with painting my finger and toe nails. He is talking about something...German? No one knows, and i'm pretty sure no one cares.

**30 minutes later**

Thirty minutes until the guys are coming. I have left the make up to a minimum so it's just Foundation, Concealer, eye shadow, mascara (Five coats) a stroke of eyeliner and Lip gloss. Vanilla flavour. I hope Dave likes Vanilla.

I don't even know what I'm saying. It's not like I'm going to be snogging Dave. I must keep my red bottomosity to myself especially around certain laughs.

**Italy Meeting**

This is great. Not!

Slim is holding the meeting and made every girl take of every inch of their make up. She inspected us all before we went into the hall and if she spotted some make up she sent us to the loos. Now the boys are going to have to witness us baring all. Oo-er. And my face is as red as a red thing in red land from all the scrubbing.

I wonder where the boys are?

**10 minutes later**

Boys are finally here. And I noticed all their hair is perfectly spiked up, I suspect for us girls. And they say we are too vein and they are the ones who are fashionably late. There is no telling some people.

**1 minute later**

They all came off the bus with their noses covered by they shirt and flapping their hands in front of their faces. What fresh hell?

**2 minutes later**

They came bounding into the hall. I gave Rollo my most confused look as to why they were all holding their noses.

Rollo raised his eyebrows at me and said "Stink bomb."

Of course.

**5 minutes later**

Slim rambling on for merry England. She's talking about safety or something equally as stupid. Dave is being rather quiet. He hasn't even come and said Hi to me. Hmph. I will have to be mature and go over to him. Mature.

**1 minute later**

I am sliding along on my bumoley over to Dave. I got a few weird looks but I suppose I should be used to it by now. I get them everyday and half the time I don't know why and as usual I will probably be the last to know. Dave sort of half grinned at me and then pretended to be interested in what Slim was saying. Yeah right. The last time she said something interesting was when the boys were actually coming on this trip. Which was agesss ago. Well two days ago but the nub is that she never says anything interesting.

**20 minutes later**

Slim finally gave up on her speech and just handed out the letters and rubbish. I just shoved it in my bag and wasn't planning on getting it out until I forced my Vati to sign it and say the sooner I get out of this hell hole the better when Jools, followed by Ellen, followed by Rosie, followed by Dave suddenly did their famous fish impressions. Rosie's was perfected I was a little shocked to see. I suppose it comes with the territory, being with Sven. I walked over and looked at what they were looking at. I started reading the letter and before I knew it I was doing my fish impression.

6am? They expect us to be at the bloody school by 6am? That means I am going to have to wake up at least 3.30 and thats just for make up and outfits. Blimey O'Reilly.

I wonder why Dave was so shocked by it?

"Why were you so shocked to see what time we had to get up?"

"It takes alot to pull of this biscuitnosity." He smiled at me but I could tell his mind was on something else. I wonder what? He probably had a tiff with Emma.

Hopefully.

**10 minutes later**

How long can this torture go on for?

**1 minute later**

Lindsay just walked in. What? I don't remember Slim saying All Stick Insects welcome. I don't even remember half the things she says but I especially don't remember her saying that.

I hope to Big G and our Lord Sandra she is not coming with us. That will be all I need.

**Walking into town**

Just the Ace Gang now. All the boys have gone off to play some footie in the park. Jools, Mabs and Ellen are going there after our 'moochy'. I was going to tag along but Dave didn't look too pleased to see me today. Dave didn't even say goodbye. He was looking deep in thorght. He still should have said goodbye, I am his best girl mate after all.

**1 hour later**

I can't find anything to buy for Italy. Everyone knows they are like the fashion people so I must look full of maturosity and beautnosity at all times. Everyone else has found the perfect outfits, even Jas has found her travel knickers. They actually exist much to our surprise. She couldn't decide whether to go for Extra Large (Keeping her bumoley comfy and warm at all times) or for Extra Small (Doesn't make her botty look too big) Good Grief. I was just happy to get out of there before she made me go into the changing rooms with her.

Ellen will forgive us one day.

**Luigi's**

I have given up looking for more outfits and went onto make-up. We have all brought new lip gloss (I have brought strawberry flavour. Yummy Scrumboes) and I also brought extra volumosity mascara. Very entrancing if I do say so myself which I did because I just heard myself think it. I thorght about new boy entrancers actually but then I thorght no after the last incident. Dancing along to Rolf Harris in front of Masimo wasn't exactly a big turning point for my boy type life. Now that I think about it, It actually makes me laugh.

"Hahahaha!" Did I just laugh out loud?

Yes. A few weird looks. Again. The weirdest one came from Jas. She does not share my humourosity. Even if she knew what I was thinking she still wouldn't share it. Her type of humour would be 'What did the tree wear to the pool party?'

'Swimming trunks.' Seriously can you get anymore funnier then that?

Yes I think is the answer you are looking for.

We were all reading through the sheets of 'Requirements' for the trip. First one says clothes. Well what do they think we are going to wear? Nothing? Ha. I would love to see the day where Dave and all the rest of the boys go around in the nuddy pants.

**1 second later**

Actually I would not like to see that. Although Dave...

NO! Get out of my head Dave in the nuddy pants.

**1 second later**

Swiftly moving onto number two.

Must leave mobile and other technology at home. Not responsibly for anything going missing. I would, if I had anything to leave at home. I keep telling Vati, what if i'm out, and then someone kidnaps me and I need to call him (not that I would call him, it would just help the cause) but he just tells me to go to someone who actually cares what I have to say. That is the kind of world we live in.

Next...

3. Girls and boys will not be sharing rooms.

Well there goes the fun of it right there. They probably think we will be up to no good. Not that I will have anyone to be no good with. Or even share a room with. Not having a boy type guy around gives me the mega droop.

And the list goes on and on.

Wait how will we be getting there?

Reading, Reading. Ah hah. AREOPLANE to ROME! Fabby Fab Fabbity Fab!

But I can't imagine 60 or so kids on a plane. The boys were only on a bus for 10 minutes and a stink bomb went off. Two and a Half hours on a plane who knows what they can do? They will probably try and blow it up.

**2 minutes later**

"So, _mes Amis, _who will be sharing with who?" asked Rosie, wiggling her eyebrow. I should tell her it makes her look like an idiot when she does that but I think I may need my legs for future purpose.

The rooms are in threes. I won't want to share will Ellen. Her stammering will eventually get to me (not that is hasn't already.) So, who else?

I was saved from thinking because Jas said "I think we should do what we did on the camping fiasco. Me, Ellen and Mabs and You, Rosie and Jools." and gave me a look.

No one would think what she was actually my best friend. Sometimes I even wonder if she likes Tom better than me. Wait, Of course she does. Why do I even ask myself such silly things. But everyone agreed anyway.

**Home**

Back to Swiss family mad. I can hear El Beardo's music, and him singing along from all the way down the road. I'm just going to go in, give him the permission slip, force him to sign it and run like a loon to my bedroom which with any luck will be a Libby free zone, and that way I will be avoiding interrogation. Right I have got the slip. In I go.

About half a century later of me being blinded by my fathers dancing, I gave him the slip. He has deffo been on the Vino.

"Vati can you please sign." And amazingly he did it without any problems. Yesss! Well he did sing to me, but other than that no problems.

**11pm**

**In my bedroom**

No Libby. No Gordy and No Angus. Result!

I can't believe I am going to Italy with the Ace Gang and the boys. I had better start packing. We leave on Monday so it gives me just enough time to pack everything. I'll start tomorrow. But I had better plan what I am going to wear there now so I don't...

ZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

_**Again, really sorry for not updating. I will try and write then next chapter quicker. Please review. It will make me happy and write quicker! Love you all x**_


	4. Call of the Nunga's

_**Hey guys :) Sorry for the long wait but now I am going to aim at uploading every Sunday or every other Sunday. So you might get the next chapter next Sunday (if your lucky and you review ;)) Also thanks for wishing me luck on my maths exam (I forgot to mention in the last authors note) I was thinking also I will be having a little bit of trouble with the rest of the chapters. See I don't actually know anything about Italy. I used Italy because I had a bit of an idea with Masimo and I don't even know if I am going to use it anymore. But anyway, I asked my sister if there were any beaches in Italy and she looked at me if I was an idiot, which actually I am not. It just happens I am not very good at Geo :P Anyway, enough blabbering and on with the chapter :D**_

_**Chapter 4 – Call of the Nunga's!**_

_**Sunday 26**__**th**__** - September**_

**7am**

Up at the crack of 7am to start packing for Italy (and when I say crack, I literally mean it this time. Well not crack as in crack. Oh, you know what I mean) I'm going to need about 5 hours of the day packing, and that's just my make up. Gadzooks. I'm going to need another suitcase. Or 3.

**1 minute later**

I think I will go and ask Vati if he can loan me one. He has about 7 from when he goes to the completely pointless clown car conventions which only bald coots with badgers go to. I think he will be able to see that his daughter is desperate for another suitcase and will hand it over with no hassle.

**Being yelled at by Vati**

The way he is reacting, you would think I would've tried to blow him up. If only, although, he is doing a pretty good job of that himself. All I do is ask for another suitcase and he goes off on an f.t. possibly verging onto the boundaries of a full frontal spaz attack.

**4 centuries later**

Finally Vati is finished with his rant. I think I will phone Voley and see if she will be nice(ish) and let me borrow some space in her suitcase.

**Phoning Jas**

Pick up Voley. I can't waste anymore valuable packing time waiting for you to detach yourself from Tom's face long enough to answer the phone.

"Hello?"

"Finally Jas. Y'know, I was beginning to think you didn't want to talk to me."

"Georgia, don't be stupid. How did I know it was going to be you calling?"

"Channel your Mystic Meg."

"Georgia, you are being very stupi-"

"Jas?"

"What?"

"Shut up."

**1 minute later**

"Jas? What are you doing?"

"Shutting up" Like I wasn't expecting that.

"Look. I am calling to find out if my bestest pally in the whole world who I love vair vair much because she is vair vair nice and-"

"Get to the point Georgia. I need to go back upstairs. Tom was just about to show me some new crested newts." What fresh hell. Doesn't she have anything better to do on a perfectly perfect Saturday then look at newts with her may aswell be husband?

"I was wondering if you would be kind enough to share some of your suitcase space?"

"No." And she put the phone down. I'll make sure I remember that next time she wants something. I will have to go and plead my father again (seriously, how desperate can I get?) for either another suitcase, or the money to buy another suitcase. I highly doubt I will get either but it's worth another shot. Sort of.

**Asking Vati again **

"Dad..."

"For crists sake Georgia. Take my only £5 and go and remove yourself before this remote makes contact with your head.

Well that went better__then expected. £5. But that isn't going to get me another suitcase. Ho hum pigs bum. Ah well. Lip gloss it is then. But first I must pack (in the limited amount I have, thanks to my Vati. He has no carenosity.)

**2 minutes later**

Right. We are going for a week. So, I will take four pairs of shoes, fourteen t-shirts so I have a choice everyday, seven pairs of jeans and a couple of pairs of shorts in case it's hot. I'm sure I can borrow Mutti's handbag aswell. She won't mind unless she finds out then she would skin me alive but live and let life. I suppose.

**1 second later**

Is Italy hot? Judging by the way Masimo looks it deffo is. Maybe 3 pairs of shorts.

**10 minutes later**

I wonder why Lindsay is going on the trip? She is probably going on prefect duty or whatever, as long as she gets in my way. If anything you would think if she doesn't like me that much she would want to stay away from me. She would do anything to make my life hell. Well I don't need her help, I can do that myself.

**1 second later**

That sounded alot better in my head. Alot of things do but hey ho.

**2 minutes later**

I think I might go down to the park to spend my last hours in Merry England with nature. Anything to get out of this hell hole I call my house anyway. I can't concentrate on packing when I have my criminally insane 4 year old sister singing her version of 'sex bum'. It goes a little like this.

'Sex bum Sex bum. I'm a sex bum.' And I don't think you really need to hear the rest.

**Park**

Why is nature so boring?

**1 minute later**

Guess who's here? Yes. Dave and Emma. The happy couple. It feels a little funny seeing them together. It felt a little funny saying the happy couple aswell. But I will as usual be the last to know why. They haven't noticed me. Should I go over there and say Hi or does that look like I desperately want to talk to Dave? Emma will probably think so because I never talk to her. She is nice and everything but she is too nice. No one is that nice. It's not normal. Not that I will know anything about being normal but I guess that is sort of expected of an upbringing like mine.

No. I will walk past in all maturosity and hope they don't notice me.

**10 seconds later**

Ok. So I didn't walk. I did a fast jog. But they still didn't notice me.

**1 second later**

I think they are having an argument. Wonder what about? But I can't go over, I don't want them to notice me.

**Hiding in a bush**

Ok. So I know hiding in a bush is pretty much screaming Notice me but I want to know what they are talking about. So they are deffo arguing. Now I just need to remove this twig from my bumoley and then I can carry on listening and find out what about. Although it's vair annoying trying to listen to a conversation when you are forever removing twigs from your botty.

**2 minutes later**

"Hi Gee."

I looked up to find Dave grinning at me like a loon. How in the name of the queens cycling shorts did he find me in a bush? I though the bush was a magnificent hiding place.

"How in the name of the queen's cycling shorts did you know I was in there?"

"I got the call of the nunga's." And he gave me a full flaring smile. Emma just tutted and then his grin turned to a frown.

**2 minutes later**

Sitting in silence. As you probably know I hate silences, giving the situation with Masimo. I know I should really not talk because I always say something stupid.

"So, How are you two doing?"

Not stupid but Wait! Do I really want to know about Dave's love life. No I think is the answer you are looking for. I was spared the details because Emma got up and walked away. I gave Dave my most confused look.

"Don't ask."

Don't worry.

**Home**

After that little episode, Me and Dave headed home. It was silent on the way home like he was thinking about something. When we got to the parting I was kind of expecting a snog but instead I got a peck. And on the cheek. Well I guess you can't have everything. Although it would make it a whole lot better. I would have given anything for Dave to snog me then. ShutupShutup.

**My Room**

Right. I have packed my suitcase. And my Rucksack. And my carry bag. Now I just have to organize what I am wearing tomorrow morning, which you would think would be easy, but not with two idiot cats which unusual lolling tongues darting around you, chasing your feet. If only I could get them to the door without them savaging my feet completely.

**2 seconds later**

Kicked Angus and Gordy out of my room. It wasn't easy, but amazing things can happen with a broom. Every so often you can hear them throwing themselves at the door. Vair distracting but oh well. Now I can focus on clothes. I need to achieve the full sex kitty look. So, shorts and strappy top?

**1 second later**

Maybe not. Billy Shakespeare land isn't really jolly with the weather. I'll stick to Jeans.

**10 minutes later**

Decided on Black Jeans and A purple top with matching shoes. I think I may have to sleep with rollers in for maximum bouncability. Hey, no pain no gain.

**1 second later**

What idiot said that? I have had my feet savaged by two wild beasts and what did I gain from that? Nothing I can tell you.

**7pm**

I think I will have to go to bed early to avoid the feet length bags fiasco tomorrow morning. I don't think Dave or any of the boys for that matter find bags attractive. But you never know. Boys are not exactly the Normans Normal's of Normal land are they? No they are not.

**10 seconds later**

4 AM! I have to get up at 4AM! It's not possible.

It will take me at least and hour to do my make up. 50 minutes if I really rush. I will need a bath, unless I cut that short and just spray myself to within an inch of my life to make it seem like I have actually washed. Need to do my hair and get dressed and I can't get up at 4.

**1 second later**

What was Slim thinking? Making young fragile teens like me get up ay ridiculous times in the morning only to go on yet another crappio should trip organized by the Hitler Youth to torcher us. Which reminds me, I need to brush up on my Italian.

**2 minutes later**

Found my Italian handbook of little useful phrases. Came in handy with the Italian Stallion. Now let's see...

**1 minute later**

I now know how to have an intellectual Italian conversation with Jas.

For example, I would say "Quante coppie in mutande hai acquistato?"

And then she would say something like "venti e alcune delle migliori" and then I would try and compliment her on her rather large choice of knickers and how big they make her botty look. And then she would most probably kick me. She has quite a hefty kick.

**8pm**

Libby has come in with Gordy by the neck. I should feel sorry for him but i'm too tired. It doesn't really matter though because he feels no pain. He is officially a super cat. His father has taught him well. I also have noticed he is covered in foundation probably mine, courtesies of Libby. How Libby reaches things on my dresser I will never know.

"Libbs put Gordy down."

"He Laaaaikes it." And she started again with my make up. Only this time she has added something extra. She has manages to find some of my botty huggers and is putting them on Gordy like an arm sling. Hells Bells. Why can't she be like other normal 4 year olds? Play with dolls, sleeps in her own room and actually leaves her sister alone. Ha. Yeah right.

**8.30pm**

"Georgia. Can we come in?" Mutti and Vati. Why can't they just leave me alone? My life would be so much less dramatic if they were not involved in any way in it. One would hope.

"No." They should get the message that I don't want anyone in here. But obviously not. I may aswell just have my door wide open and an arrow pointing towards me saying 'I want to be harassed.' It would make it alot more easier. For them anyway.

I looked at them and they were trying to act all upset that I was going. It wasn't working. I could tell that they are secretly really happy to get rid of me. They could dump Libbs round at Grandads and then they have the whole house to themselves for the week. Typical.

"We wanted to give you this, for Italy."

And they handed me an envelope. It was probably the goodbye letter now. Telling me never to come back. I opened it but still looking at them. They will probably be...

Oh. My. God.

£150!! Thank you Big G. You have finally listened to me!

"Now that's for food, drink and emergencies."

I take my thank you back Big G.

"But you can spend half of it on yourself. But don't think this will be an often thing. It's only because you are going away."

I should go away more often. I would have said that but they might have taken the only money I get in about ten years back. And then I did something I never thought I would have to do in my life. I gave Mutti and Vati and hug. And then kicked them out. I think they thought it was nice while it lasted.

**9pm**

Libby is actually sleeping in her own bed. I think Mutti had to lure her with some of her lipstick for Gordy. Whatever, it worked so now I have my bed all to myself.

Now to sleep for tomorrow I will be...

ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

**Monday 27th September**

**5am**

Blimey O'Reilly and also Merde and Poo and Crap!

I have to be at the school in an hour and I have only just woken up. I am NEVER going to be ready in time.

Make up, clothes, hair...

**5.50am**

Rush Rushing and Pant Panting up the hill. I can see the coach now and everyone waiting outside. No doubt waiting for me. Crap. I can't believe Vati was too lazy to get his arse out of bed and give me a lift. Oh what was I thinking? That would involve exercise and he can't bear that.

I did my make up in 45 minutes but that only left me 15 to do everything else. Now my hair looks like it has exploded and to make it even worse, I look like a red faced loon only not so attractive.

As soon as I got to the Ace Gang they all looked at me and then rolled their eyes and got on the coach. They were waiting for me. At least they didn't leave without me.

"We were started to think about leaving you here Nicolson." Thanks Slim.

**On the coach**

On the coach of life, sitting next to my besty heading out of Billy Shakespeare land on our way to Italy. Sound the Horn, the girls (and boys) are back in town!

_**Thanks for reading. This chapter was actually a really boring one to write. I want to get to the Plane and stuff and I promise that will be more entertaining. Anyway, please review otherwise I will cry and then not write anymore. Thanks.**_


	5. Torcher of the Deformed Badger

_**Chapter 5 – Torcher of the Deformed Badger**_

**Coach of life**

Sitting next to my bestie Jas. Away from the Hitler Youth for a whole week and even better, no parents telling me what I can or can't do. Not that I listen to them anyway. What could be better than this?

**10 minutes later**

I can answer that for you. Anything.

Okay, we are not technically away from the Hitler Youth. Hawkeye is with us, and so are Miss Wilson and Herr Keymer. Thank Big G Slim didn't come with us. We wouldn't get anywhere if she was here. Her weight will weigh us down. Jas won't stop rambling about Tom and nature and where we will be able to go in Rome i.e. nowhere. We are going to find famous buildings and what not. What's that big one called? The tower made of Pizza or something that no could be bothered to build straight. _Was ist der point_? If you are going to make a building, you may aswell make a good job of it.

**2 minutes later**

If Jas says something remotely to do with Tom or nature or Italy once more I may have to duff her up.

**10 seconds later**

Just hit Jas round the head. She was asking for it. Well she didn't literally ask for it. She actually said 'Georgia do you think we will be going...' which was probably going to be something to do with Italy you never know.

**1 minute later**

Jas is ignoring me. She will talk to me eventually. Plus, I want some midget gems. I'm feeling quite peckish.

**At Foxwoods**

Jas is waving like a loon on loon tablets at Tom. Good grief. And the weirdest thing happened, Tom waved back. If I was him I would be embarrassed to be seen with her let alone wave to her. But that would be if I was Tom. Which I am not. Snogging Jas...ERLACK!

All the boys are getting on a different coach. Do they think we will really be that bad?

Don't answer that.

**Motorway**

This is the life. Well it would be the life if I wasn't surrounded by les idiots (Not naming names but starts with a J and ends in as) which I happen to be. When I asked her for a midget gem she shot me a death glare and went back to reading 'Nature: Earths life'. What sort of dimwit reads magazines like that? Well yeah Jas, but no one else. And probably Hunky but other than that, no one else.

**20 minutes later**

I am so hungry. I never thorght I would say this, but I wish Slim was here. She always keeps a secret stash of food about her person. Isn't it obvious? All you have to do is look at her. I could look through Jas's bag and see if she has some food in there.

**2 minutes later**

Pop tarts. Yummy Scrumboes.

**Half an hour later**

Rosie suggested we sing songs to 'keep the Marry England vibes alive.' I'm not going to sing.

**Singing**

As soon as Rosie mentioned her beard, My mouth started to move itself. She ordered we sing that really stupid songs that goes 'Everywhere we go...Everywhere we go...People always ask us...People always ask us...' and you get my nub and gist. Anyway it's a really stupid song, but anything to save us from the torcher of the deformed badger.

**10 seconds later**

Wet Lindsay came over and told us all to be quiet, just not so politely. She really does have the smallest forehead known to humanity. And incredibly stick insect legs.

**10 minutes later**

Ok. Rosie has this time taken it to the edge of madnosity. She is now talking like the posh England folk. Quite criminally insane if you ask me. Every time someone asks her something she says 'I'm not sure old chap. Why not ask my noble companion Miss. Ditherqueen'? And then punches Ellen round the arm. I actually feel quite sorry for her, but not that much.

**Airport**

Finally here. I wonder if the boys have arrived yet. Everything seems to be in order so i'm guessing they haven't.

**10 minutes later**

Waiting for the boys.

**7 minutes later**

Still waiting for the boys.

**10 minutes later**

Where in the name of Vati (and Rosie's) oversized badger are they?

**5 minutes later**

About time as well. I was started to think that the bus driver got so mad with them and dropped them off in the middle of nowhere. He might of thought of it actually, giving his facial expression.

**2 minutes later**

They are all sitting down actually listening to what their head teacher is saying to them? Or is he shouting? Besides the point. They are not doing anything wild or crazy. It's like they are being hypnotized.

**5 minutes later**

They are finally coming off the coach. Surprised the plane hasn't left the time they were getting a grilling. If only. Why can't the HY (Hitler Youth) leave us to go to Italy alone?

**5 minutes later**

We have all got our suitcases and the boys have found us. Jas (predictably) snogged Tom like there was no tomorrow. Well so did everyone but she is lucky to see tomorrow the way she treated me on the coach.

**1 second later**

I didn't mean it like everyone snogged Tom because that would be rather odd. And rather wrong. I meant everyone went and snogged their official snogging partners. Except me because I am lonely as a clud. And Rosie but I don't know if I should really count her. She went off harassing Herr Keymer and Miss Wilson with her beard. I sometimes question her sanity.

Dave came over to me. Gosh, he looks marvy and a half.

I said "Looking very nice today Mr. Laugh."

Then he said "Thought I would make a good impression for the Homosexuals." and he stuck his tongue out at me. Remind me why I wanted him to come again?

"So why did you take so long coming off the coach. I'm surprised the plane didn't leave the time it took you."

Dave said "Well Mr. Wright was rambling on and was like (And he put on a really deep old mans voice which was hilarious to the extreme.) 'If anyone has any sort of drugs or similar items with them, please let us know now so we can take appropriate action. Of course I turned myself in." And then he walked away. I like to think he was joking. That's what I like to think.

**10 seconds later**

Is he being serious?

**In the airport**

I never thought we would make it to see the airport. I would have been surprised to see that Dave made it to see the airport but now I know he has no drugs. (I went to go and ask Jas and she told me I was being stupid and how Dave would not be allowed to come if he had drugs.)

**1 second later**

Remind me to kill him later.

**Half an Hour later**

**Check in**

Putting our cases on a big thing that goes along. Saves hassle they say but I think it is just a ploy to have a look through them and see if we have anything in there worth anything. Unless they want about 50 tons of make up and probably a dirty nappy from Libby there is no point going through mine. You can barely lift it the amount I have in it. It looks like it's about to explode too.

**20 minutes later**

Why does it take so long to put about 60 suitcases on a bloody moving thing? What are they called? The things you get in supermarkets. It doesn't matter. What I am trying to say is it takes too long.

**Customs**

This is not right. We are going through these big metal things to see if you have any 'bad goods' as someone so rightly put it because if you do, security guards feel you. Yes. Feel you. Please Big G, please don't let it happen to me.

**10 seconds later**

Ha. Lindsay is getting felt. I guess alls well that ends well.

**2 minutes later**

Third in the line. Please Big G and Lord Sandra, for the love of all things not badgerish and human in this god forsaken world, don't let me get felt. Although that security guard looks rather groovy. No, go away voice of the horn. You are not welcome here.

**30 seconds later**

I'm next.

**10 seconds later**

Well that was a load of worrying for nothing. I didn't even get felt. Now to wait for another forty people.

**2 minutes later**

Christ on a bike. These security guards get round alot. Dave got felt too. The security guard felt Dave's trousers and felt something in his pocket. I did actually begin to think Dave was actually a drug dealer but then he pulled the thing out of his pocket. It was long and sort of looked like a chain. I wonder what it was. The security guard let him go though (after another touching session of Dave's shoes. I mean, what sort of criminal hides things in their shoes? A very bad one I would think.)

**40 minutes later**

Now we just have to wait for another hour for our plane to leave. The Hitler Youth has let us 'moochy' as Jas would say round the shops. Hells Bells this place is big. We have split up in little groups but they will not let us go in less then threes. I'm with Dave and Rosie. Who else were we all supposed to go with? Jas has to practically tear Rosie away from Sven and as goes for Dave, he and Emma weren't exactly on speaking terms. Not that I care.

**10 minutes later**

Rosie is still talking in her posh English accents. I may be forced to duff her up. I might have to get Dave to hold me back.

"Dave. Please hold me back."

"Why Kittykat?" giving me a confused look.

"If I hear Rosie talk another inch of Englishness, I may be forced to duff her up."

Rosie heard me because then she came over.

"I will have you know, Miss. Nicolson, if you insist you have to duff me up, I will throw you out the window of the plane and tell everyone you spontaneously fell after a slight whack round the head." And then she went skipping off, talking to random pensioners.

I wouldn't doubt her. So maybe I won't duff her up, although, it has made me quite cautious around her now.

**1 minute later**

In a cafe. I have got a hot chocolate with cream on top. Yummy. I was going to go for the Cappuccino (disgusting but full of sophisticosity.) but I wanted to avoid the foam moustache effect. Not really that attractive. Rosie, being English has got tea, and Dave just got normal coffee. We are being forced against our will to stick our pinkies out when we drink. Good grief, again.

**10 minutes later**

Lindsay has come in. Great. Anyone would think she is with our school.

**2 seconds later**

Okay, she is but no need to let people know.

**Tarts wardrobe**

Oh. My. God. My hair looks like I have been attacked by raging gorillas. I must wet and hand dryer dry.

"Y'know Gee. To celebrate crossing from one Merry Billy Shakespeare land to Italy, land of the Homos and Handbags, we should invent a new dance. The Italian disco inferno. What do you think?"

"Ro-Ro, Yes yes and thrice yes. Y'know, you are quite the genius of the first waters." And hopefully it will take her mind of being English for a few minutes.

**10 minutes later**

We have perfected the Italian disco inferno. It goes:

_Strut, Strut,_

_Swing your handbag to the left_

_Swing your handbag to the Right_

_Plump Hair, Plump hair_

_Twirl_

_Check you out, Check you out _(When you make your hands like an L shape and point them at people if you get what I mean and I think you do.)

_Strut, Strut._

After that we agreed we would invent the rest with the rest of the Ace Gang as we mostly invent them together.

**Heading back to the teachers**

Pointlessly wondered around for the most of half an hour.

Judging by the amount of people already there, I think we are the last ones. Oops.

"Where have you three been? We will be lucky if we get on the plane now. Come on everyone. Hurry along."

Rave on Hawkeye. Like the plane would leave half the passengers in the airport.

**Running to the plane**

Ok. So it turns out that the plane doesn't care how many people are on it, it will leave anyway. Rush rush, Pant pant.

**Boarding the plane**

Made it just in time. The plane can't exactly leave with people boarding it at the very moment so we are ok.

**On the plane**

Typical. Po has gone to sit next to Hunky and Rosie is sitting next to her beard. What fresh hell?

"Ro, move your beard so I can sit down please."

"Sorry Gee. No can do. I want my beard to travel in comfort. It will be accompanying me throughout the whole trip."

If all the snoggers and sitting with their snoggers, that means I am left with...

"Kittykat. There's a seat over here." Of course. Dave.

_**Thanks for reading. I want everyone to know, i'm not going to write anymore (I probably will but it might take a while if you don't) until I get 25 reviews minimum. So pleaseeee review.**_


	6. Pip Pip, Ta Ta, Cheerio!

_**Hello chums....**_

_**I thorght I would write this chapter today just for a special chrimbo prezzie for you all. But I don't really know about this chapter. I found it quite difficult because some of people seemed excited about this chapter. Also quite boring. I don't think it is as good as my others? Please tell me what you think :)**_

_**Chapter 6 – Pip Pip, Ta Ta, Cheerio!**_

**Waiting for the plane to go**

Finally on board the plane. Shame we can't get off now. We are getting one of those crappy safety things. Who cares if the plane is about to plummet 25,000 feet from the air? Chances are we will be dead and we will know nothing about it. Not wishing that upon anyone or anything. Well maybe Wet Lindsay. Why is she here anyway?

**2 minutes later**

Why do you need so many exits on a plane? Ok, Lets think about this.

It takes about I don't know how long for a plane to go wrong and fall to the ground but i'm guessing not a long time and how long would it take about 200 passengers to exit the plane? Alot longer I can tell you that for free.

Or would it?

Dave has stood up and is doing the safety thing along with the stewardesses. Hilarious if you ask me but they don't seem to share the hilarosity of the situation. They are looking at each other and then at him and then one another again but none of them can go wrong otherwise they could cause us all to die if it came to that. Not to mention they would get fired.

The headmaster of Foxwoods noticed Dave and came over and forced on his shoulders (Dave's shoulders you fools not his own) and Dave fell back into his seat.

"Feisty."

Pity really that his headmaster heard it otherwise he could have got out of sitting with him to 'prevent other causes of mayhem'. Hey Ho.

**In the air, going over a sea, one of which I do not know. **

This is very soothing. If you can block out the constant shriek followed by a giggle coming from Ellen every time the plane moves an inch. It's not very good when you think about the plane and how it is constantly moving. There is no telling some people. I am surprised Dec hasn't had enough of her and her constant dithering yet.

**2 minutes later**

Bored as a bored thing in bored land. We have been on this bloody plane for about 30 minutes and I am already on the verge of suicide. I am supposed to be sitting next to Dave the laugh. So...I am supposed to be having a laugh but the only minor hiccup in the situation is, he is still not here. He is still sitting with Mr. Walker (Foxwoods headmaster, surprisingly short, bald man, considers his students as his family? What sort of idiot would consider this lot family? Madness I tell you madness). I think he is talking to Dave about Pizza-a-go-go land. Ha. Much to Dave's excitement (which is one way to look at it) he hates Italy, as you probably already guessed. Every so often he looks over in my direction and rolls his eyes and gives me cross eyes. I just sit there laughing to myself. So, Dave is being held hostage, I have lost a laugh, and to make up for it, I have gained a Viking. She is talking about her imaginary wedding AGAIN. What's better then discussing a Norwegian mad man and how good he will look in his Viking gear (??) for 2 and half hours. I may have to run off to the piddly diddly department to save myself. But I don't know if I can be bothered.

**5 minutes later**

Rosie is still rambling on.

"And then we have agreed Sven is going to skip down the aisle with me on his shoulders singing Jingle Bells. We were rehearsing it at the weekend. Do you want me to show you? Come on Gee jump up and be Sve-"

I just raised my eyebrows and seemed to get the message. Did I really want to know all this? No I think is the answer you are looking for. I don't know how she gets Sven to agree with all this. I suppose she entices him with snogging and snacks of the fishy sort. Apparently you can get this ice cream with fishy biscuits in. Erlack. And worse, she has brought some with her. Save me now.

**11.40**

When is Dave coming back? I am getting tired of listening to tales if Vikings. Did you know one Rebel Viking got, errr, beheaded, or something, for not wearing the right type of fur? Or did he get hung? It doesn't matter the nub and gist is that he got killed in some sort of way. I don't know what goes on in Rosie's mind and I don't intend on finding out either. That could do me some serious damage.

**1 minute later**

Rosie has ran off. Literally ran. Criminally insane I tell you.

**10 minutes later**

I must have done something good (or he has) as Big G has sent me back Dave.

"Why did you take so long? I just had to sit here for about three quarters of an hour listening to depressing stories about rebel Vikings."

"Sorry Kittykat. No need to fear, Jack the biscuit is back."

I just raised my eyebrows, just high enough to say 'what did you do?'

"I didn't do anything. Apart from leave Rosie with him. She can come in handy when you have a Sex Kitty to entertain." And then he wiggled his eyebrows at me. Cheeky Cat.

"I made her tell him the story about the Viking who wore the wrong type of fur." How many people has she tortured with that story? "Hopefully he will be too traumatized to realise I have come back over."

**10 minutes later**

Dave can never stay in one place for long. He has scampered off with Rollo. They came back out and told all the boys to come. They went over to Hunky first.

"Hey Voley, we're going to the back and playing a little game of strip truth or dare. You in?"

Of course Jas had something to say about that.

"That is disgusting. Why would people want to watch you getting undressed on a-"

"I'm in."

The look on Jas's face well lets just say, it was not pretty. She was doing her fish impression. Very funny indeed. I think Tom is starting to see the annoying side of Jas. About time too.

"Oh. Okay then. I'll come too." Jas followed like a following thing. All the girls did. I of course am not under any circumstances watching the boys undress themselves.

**20 minutes later**

Watching the boys undress themselves. I didn't exactly choose to be here. I got dragged here by Dave. I don't really find pleasure in watching boys get undressed. Well within reason. Dave however....NO! Out rudey dudey thoughts.

The rules are pretty simple. Every time someone doesn't do a dare or doesn't do it well enough they have to remove one part starting from the bottom on their body to the top. Simple enough, right?

None of the girls are playing. Rosie offered to join in but Rollo told her it was a big boy's game (how he figured that out I will never know) and she didn't like that. She wanted to fight him to see who the tougher boy was. Even though Rosie is not a boy but I don't choose to question her. Everyone to their own I say. Rosie gave in after she convinced herself Rollo was too chicken to fight her. Everyone to their own I say.

Ok, so far:

Rollo is missing one sock.

Ed is missing both socks

Tom is missing both socks and his trousers, same as Dec.

And Dave (Who is obviously very bad at this game may I add) is missing both socks, trousers and his t-shirt. So he really just has his boxers left.

Dave's turn next.

"Ok, Mr. Laugh lets see how much of a laugh Mr. Walker finds you mooning at him."

Dave agreed to do it. Just as he was about to get up Rosie decided to join in.

"I have a better idea." She said with a smirk on her face. What is she up to?

"I thorght we told you, big boys game?"

"Yeah you did. But I think even you will go for this one Rollo." And she whispered to him. And went to her seat and got her bag and handed it to Rollo. He had his really confused face on. We all did. We were agog and confused like 10 agog and confused things. I am really curious now. Rollo looked into his bag and started laughing. Us (not knowing what he was looking at) then gave him confused looks.

"We have a new challenge. Let's see how much of a laugh Mr. Walker finds you mooning at him...as an old lady."

What fresh hell? And he has agreed to do it. Dave didn't even look in the bag, he just got handed it and he went off to the piddly diddly department. He didn't know what was going on so this should be very interesting. Or disturbing. My money is on the second one but I could be surprised.

**1 minute later**

"You've got to be kidding me!" Dave shouted from the loo. Rosie and Rollo started laughing like loons. Well, so did the rest of us, but you could hear them over everyone else. And besides, they were the only ones who really knew what was going on. Everyone else sort of had an idea but they didn't know what Dave was going to come out like.

**10 minutes later**

Rollo said while laughing "Oh Davina, are you ready yet darling?" Davina?? Rosie started laughing and coughing and spluttering.

"I am going to kill you Rollo."

"Hey, it was Rosie's idea. Anyway, he will have no idea it's you. Just come out, I am getting tired of waiting."

At that moment, Dave (or should I say _Davina_?) came out. Oh. My. God.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" and that was just me. You should have heard the laughing coming from us lot. Alot of people turned to look at us but we just couldn't help ourselves. Mr. Walker looked round and saw _Davina_ and waved at her. Haha. It must be luuurve. Dave, being the lady he is, waved back.

"Work of true geniuses I think. How about you Rollo?"

"I would have to agree with you Rosie." And they did look really pleased with themselves. They should have. Dave was dressed in a yellow flowery frilly dress and white strappy heel shoes, white sunglasses and a patterned head scarf. And just to top it off, bright red lipstick. That looks likes something only Miss Wilson would be caught alive in.

"You should really thank Miss. Wilson for the head scarf. She let us borrow it specially." That would explain alot.

**2 minutes later**

"I can't go down there looking like this."

"Dave. Put it this way. You either go down there and moony at Mr. Walker, or you walk around completely naked. Now the choice is yours."

Then Dave went on his merry way. He was even instructed to walk and talk like a lady. He doesn't do a very good walk for a lady (I suppose it doesn't help he is in high heels but ho hum pigs bum, although his talking is brillopads.) He talks like a posh English lady. Vair vair funny. He's strutting his stuff, as Rollo so rightly put it. I thorght it would be a good time to ask Rosie where she got the dress from.

"Ro-Ro, where in the name of Jas's unusually large travel knickers did you get that dress from?"

"My auntie got it for me when she went to America. I, of course, have never worn it. A Viking bride to be could never be seen in that. It's against the Viking Dress Code." They have a dress code? Gadzooks! "But I thorght it could provide many comedy opportunities so I brought it along with me."

She is not wrong there. This is bloody hilarious watching Dave stumble along like le idiot he is.

**30 seconds later**

We all followed Dave down the aisle and then jumped back into our seats and listened. The plan was Dave should walk down the aisle, pretend his shoe fell off and he should fall onto Mr. Walker's lap. Then, as he bends down to reach his shoe, he moonies at him.

"Hurry up mate, we ain't got all day!"

"All in good time Rollo, all in good time."

Here he goes. Strut, strut. It reminds me of the Italian disco Inferno we made up. I wasn't exactly keen on adding in the Homosexual bits (e.g. the whole dance) but Rosie said it would give it the touch of Italian it needs. What she means by that I do not know. Rollo gets to keep a stern eye on things as he sits right across the aisle from Mr. Walker. Here we go.

**3 seconds later**

HAHAHA! He has fell onto Mr. Walkers lap. Mr. Walker went all red and dithery. Kind of like Ellen on a bad dither day. Well everyday for Ellen is a bad dither day.

"Oh, I am very sorry old chap." We were all killing ourselves laughing and then Dave bent down to pick up his shoe after alot of struggle to get up off his lap. As he went to reach for his shoe he pulled his dress up. The funny thing was that Mr. Walker turned and started rambling to the person next to him. As Dave grabbed the shoe, Rollo shouted "Hey! Mr. Walker!" and as suspected, Mr. Walker turned back round and Rollo pushed Dave, bumoley free and wild right back onto him!

He looked like he hit number 8 on the losing it scale (nervy b). "Oh, I do say! I am terribly sorry Old Bean. I really do not know what came over me. Must be orf. Pip pip, Ta ta, Cheerio." And Dave ran (or stumbled) back to the piddly diddly department. All us followed him and waited for him to come out.

**10 minutes later**

As Dave came out, we all cheered. He bowed but I don't think he really appreciated being dressed up as an old lady and forced to reveal all to his Headmaster. But hey ho, he didn't find out it was Dave. And I think it was obvious, Dave got to keep his boxers on.

"Well, that was spiffing good show!" Rollo said.

Couldn't agree more.

**20 minutes later**

The Davina episode has died down a bit now. Although, every once in a while someone shouts 'Must be orf! Cheerio!' and there is a big roar of laughter from us lot. Only we know what we are laughing at. And Mr. Walker but I think he is embarrassed and decides not to take any notice. Every time someone shouts he goes all red and pretends to be interested in a crossword. Crosswords haven't been interesting since, well, never.

**10 minutes later**

Me and Dave are just talking. It's nice talking to Dave. He has such a normal life. You wouldn't really think it the way he acts, talks, moves and everything about him. Nothing seems normal about him. I'm not really listening to him. His voice is making me feel quite relaxed. I have to act like I am listening though, so every time he asks me a question I just answer with a mature 'Uh huh'.

"So, what happened with Masimo?"

"Uh huh."

Crap.

"Errrr, y'know, we broke up." Very good save is what I think. Well it's what I like to think. Change the subject. Brain to mouth, Brain to mouth, change the subject.

"So how are you and Emma?" I knew I shouldn't ask but I wanted to know about what happened at the park the other day and why she walked off when I asked them how they were.

"Well we sort of br-"

"Oi, Dave. Get your arse over here!" Thanks Dec. Merde. Is it me or is it every time we get to the good stuff, Dave gets dragged away.

**2 minutes later  
**Well that's not something you see every plane trip. And by that I mean Dave followed by Rollo, rolling down the aisle on stewardess's trollies. Of course, when they came to the front of the passengers bit, they came to a halt and ended as a bundle on the floor. I will never understand the minds of boys. The stewardesses didn't look too impressed, and that was an understatement. All the rest of the Ace Gang was laughing like loons but I really wanted to know what happened with him and Emma. I must remember to ask him later.

**1.30**

I think we are getting ready to land. Everyone is getting all excited and looking out the windows and pointing at random crap. Personally, I don't see anything to get excited about. A few buildings here and there and that's about it.

**10 minutes later**

About to land. All the guys are screaming and shouting at each other acting as if the plane is about to crash. Only to be expected. Rollo shouts stuff like "Were going down! Save yourselves!" and then Dave stands up and says "Exits are here, here and here." And the actions aswell. Was ist der point?

**3 minutes later**

Blimey and crikey. I think I may be deaf by the time I get off the plane if the sight of Wet Lindsay tarting herself up doesn't blind me first. It going to take alot more then make up to hide the face she is a forheadless weed. Just when you thorght things couldn't get any madder Dave jumps up and shouts "Hold your PANTS, ready for touchdown!" and at that point the plane heads straight for the ground.

**Getting off the plane**

Surprisingly wasn't too painful getting off the plane. About 60 kids making a big bundle at the doors, a bit of push and shove and you're through. We have lost the boys so all the girls are together waiting for them to come off. If they haven't already come off. If they have, they could be anywhere by now.

Here's Tom, Dec and Ed. Of course Jas, Ellen and Mabs went and snogged their boyfriends like they hadn't seen them in years. It's only been like what, 20 minutes? They have no pridenosity. Where are Dave and Rollo?

**10 minutes later**

Finally they came off the plane. With Mr. Walker. The way he hangs around them two you would think he was their stalker. That or Dave and Rollo can't stay out of trouble. Yeah that sounds more like them. But you never know. Mr. Walker could have his stalkerish ways.

**30 minutes later**

Finally out of the airport. Now just for a long (10 minute) coach ride to our hotel. We are staying in a 4 star Hotel. Only Big G himself can remember the name of it. It apparently is a really nice hotel. I would love to see the look of it when the boys are done there. Ha.

**Hotel**

Blimey O'Reilly. This hotel is nice. Shame it won't be for much longer. But the boys have been told to behave themselves. These are the boys who previously got told to behave themselves, so instead they moonied at a teacher without the teacher actually realising who it was, caused 'unnecessary mayhem' and rode trollies down the aisle of the plane.

Jas is rambling on about every detail of the hotel. It's like 'Oh, look Hunky, hills!', 'Oh, look Hunky, Wide life!', 'Oh, look Hunky, a blade of grass!' Doesn't get much better then that I can tell you. I think I may have to go to the tarts wardrobe to escape. Also, holding it in for 2 and a half hours didn't really go well for me. Now if I can just make a swift exit...

**2 minutes later**

Mission complete. La, la, la, the hills are alive with the sound of PANTS...

Just heard Wet Lindsay and ADM come in. Why did Slim let them come on the trip? I think they are here to 'help out.' If I know Lindsay, I know that she would never in million, not even in a billion years come on a school trip to help us lot, and more importantly, me. I will just have a quick listen. Too late to change the habit now...

"Do you know if he is here yet?"

"He is arriving tomorrow. I will just have to get through today and tonight and then I can get away from here. I am so glad he is coming. I would have never come on this silly little trip if I didn't have Masimo as a reward."

_**Oooooh! Masimo is coming to Italy :P I don't really plan to make a big deal out of it but I thorght it might get Lindsay out the way for a little while. But you never know, something could happen.**_

_**I found this chappie really boring to write actually because I didn't know what to write. And I have just realised I haven't been calling Italy Pizza-a-go-go land :O Anyway, Please review and tell me what you think. Was it good or not? If not, I might re-write it but you need to tell me! Thanks.**_

_**And.....Merry Christmas to you all and I hope you have a good one :D**_


	7. Authors Note

Hey everyone!

Just to let you know, I AM going to be finishing this story even though I haven't updated in forever! I have just started A-levels and am overloaded with work! I was actually depressed the first week of college, I hated it. But it's all good now :P

Thanks to everyone who is still reviewing! You guys are great!

So, yeah, story sometime soon :)

And to the person who asked if they can have my story... No... not really.

Maria x


End file.
